I just check the weather forecast and they are calling for yet more rain, up to one inch overnight.  When I had the dogs down by the river this afternoon, it was already dangerously close to breaching its upper banks.  I sure hope it doesn’t flood as that will mean no place to exercise dogs until it dries up!  As it is, about 70% of our walking and hiking trails have been underwater for weeks now, as they run along the lower banks.  

Even worse, the consistently warm weather over the last week has meant that the ground has started to seriously thaw out.  Yesterday morning I woke up feeling really ill.  I sleep in the basement of my house, having rented out my bedroom last year in order to keep my home when I lost my job.  The basement, however, flooded last summer and remained damp until winter, when everything froze.  I slept on a cot in my office from June until October and my back still hasn’t forgiven me.

I have serious mould allergies, and yesterday made it clear that the mould is starting up again downstairs.  Last night I slept on the couch in the living room, and it looks like this is where I will have to stay until I move out.  I had hoped winter would last longer for this reason.  I can deal with snow, but not mould.

So, one more blow to any thoughts of staying put past May.  I also learned last week that all four of my part-time jobs end in April, due to budget cuts.  I thought I’d be able to work at the library over the summer, but they aren’t hiring students this year. They said they would take me on if I get a “work-study” grant, but for graduate students this works out to 101 hours over 4 months, at $10 an hour.  Oh, yeah.  Like I can live on $252 a month.  

So, I have no job and no place even to properly sleep right now.  Time for change!  I have pretty much decided to give notice on my house at the end of this month.  I really hope I have something else lined up before I do so, but I really have no choice as I won’t be able to make rent past May, when my roommate moves out.  Actually she said she could stay through June, but if I move in June I’ll miss starting my garden.  I know that sounds trivial to many, but if I have to uproot my life, I might as well do it a month earlier so I can at least plant my vegetable garden and have something to eat.  

I am doing my best to stay positive about all this, although days like today – with the heavy overcast and drizzle – make it difficult.  I was feeling really down earlier but am better now, having been out with the dogs.  I trust that things will come together if I take the leap of faith, especially since every time I think of trying to make things work just staying put, something else goes wrong to make that impossible.  The universe is making it pretty clear that I need to embrace this change; I have to trust that it will catch me as I jump.  

Still, I’m scared.

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