Tonight my roommate told me she is moving out on June 01.  This came as quite a surprise to me, and also came two days too late for me to do anything about getting out of my lease.  I am not happy about this to say the least.  My job ends at the end of this month, and now I am stuck paying full rent in June.

I should have just given notice on Tuesday like my intuition was telling me to do.  Well, it sort of was.  I have been having a really hard time knowing what I should do these days.  Because my energy levels have been down this past few weeks, I have not been able to think clearly.  The thought of moving is just so overwhelming and exhausting that I could not think of anything positive about it.  Of course there would be a lot of good to come from a move: more room, a fenced yard, maybe somewhere closer to sheep (or where I could have my own!)

But things could also go really wrong.  I could give notice and then not find a place.  How many people want to rent to someone with four dogs, for example? At least in my price range, which is effectively that of a bachelor basement apartment unless I move to the middle of nowhere.  The thought of living in total isolation while I write my dissertation is really not very appealing.  I guess I’ll get used to it, and fortunately I have enough pets to keep me company and feeling safe.

The thing is, in my experience, when things are right, they are easy.  I’ve moved a lot of times in my life and every time, something has made it clear as to where I should go next.  I’ve either gotten into school or got a job or whatnot.  The only time I moved somewhere with nothing lined up, it simply did not work out.  

But clearly my life is not working here.  

I really, really, really need a sign to help make it clear what I should do and where I should go.  Well, I think it is pretty clear that I am to move out.  Every time I start planning on staying put, something happens to throw that decision on its ear.  But I still don’t know where I am to go. 

Maybe what I need to do is get away from here.  I have to work a lot over the weekend, but maybe early next week I will load up the dogs and drive north to one of the parks or beaches and perhaps even camp if the weather permits.  Distance always helps make things clearer.  Or maybe I need to drive up to the area I am thinking of moving to and spend some time looking around.  I don’t know… But I do need to do something, and do it quickly.  If only I had a sign…

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