I had a tough week last week, working several very long days. I am not used to that kind of schedule anymore as I am so accustomed to living life according to my own biorhythms. I had to get up two hours earlier than I was used to, leave the dogs in my room for 12 hours, do two hours of commuting and work all day with only a couple of short breaks. I really don’t know how people do this on a regular basis!
I had Thursday off and worked at getting myself back into balance, emotionally and physically. I was not able to do much all day, but did drag myself around doing a little cooking and cleaning. Certainly I got no dissertation work done. By evening I felt better and so I took the dogs to the sheep farm to train. We had a very good training session – much, much better than Monday’s attempt. My state of mind definitely made a difference I am sure. Even Mira made progress and I am feeling more optimistic about her (although I am still just taking things one step at a time with her).
Friday morning I was still very tired, and actually feeling quite sick. I almost called in sick but I really wanted to finish this training and be done with it. Missing a day would mean I got no credit for the rest of the week, and I had worked hard enough to decide it was worth dragging myself through one more day. Unfortunately I ended up being late. The instructions for the course were that it was important not to be late as there were a lot of collective activities. The mornings started with a group discussion around various subjects. I ended up missing the first 10 minutes or so. The way I see it, I’m doing this course for my own betterment. What I missed did not affect anyone else, and I was not being paid to do this. Quite the opposite, most people pay hundreds of dollars to do this course (I was fortunate to take it for free). However, the instructor read me the riot act about punctuality and made some threats about my future employment.
This brought me back to my previous days of employment at various companies, where we were bullied and threatened and told that we’d be out of a job if blah blah blah. For example, one time I developed pneumonia and missed 3 days of work. I had missed two days of work – again for being very sick – about 4 months earlier. I was told that this absentee rate was unacceptable and if I missed one more day in the follow six months I’d be put on probation (I quit shortly after that).
I have struggled most of my life with trying to find where I fit in in this society, and I still have no idea. I get ill working most jobs as I become so depressed I can’t function. I don’t know why and have spent a lot of time wondering what’s ‘wrong’ with me that I can’t seem to just suck it up and push on, like everyone else. Being reprimanded like I was on Friday brought a lot of that back, leaving me feeling really horrible and depressed after a long time of feeling pretty good.
After leaving I drove to the market to buy some meat for the dogs and a few other things. I buy much of my meat from this butcher and know most of the employees by name. The woman working the cash that night I hadn’t seen in some time. She’s a lovely person, and we always have a brief chat when I see her.
That evening I put on my cheerful face and started chatting with her as usual. I can’t remember what exactly it is that I said but she turned to me and replied: “You just need to keep having faith.” I really, really needed to hear that, and something about the way she said it touched me deeply. She then told me she just got a strong shiver and asked if I ever considered Reiki. Turns out she’s a Reiki master, not only doing Reiki but teaching all three levels. She offered to give me some free treatments because she could tell how much I needed it. She immediately wrote down her phone number and told me to call, anytime. I thanked her and left, knowing that if I stayed one minute longer I’d start sobbing uncontrollably. I was flooded with emotion after that, and when it passed, I felt a whole lot better.
I am really looking forward to having Reiki done and hope to schedule and appointment soon. I’d also love to learn how to do it myself and am going to inquire about her teaching. I am sure that interacting with her that moment unblocked something that I had been holding back, allowing my emotions to flood and then subside, leaving me feeling cleaner, more relaxed, less toxic.
I don’t know a whole lot about Reiki but I do believe that it works. It is an energy medicine, or healing method. Homeopathy is also about energy, as is acupuncture, massage and other effective healing arts. I expect that each has it’s strength, but that they all work basically on the same principle: helping your vital force get back into balance or tune. To read more about Reiki check out Beth Lowell’s blog Mysterious Beautiful or Rose de Dan’s blog Wild Reiki and Shamanic Healing.