Ack!  It’s 2:05 am.  How did that happen?  I was all ready to go to bed at 8pm, then decided I might have enough energy to process the pears that had been sitting patiently in my fridge since last weekend.  I already let 36lbs of pears spoil and have to put them in the composter (where is a pig when you need one!) and I didn’t want these ones to experience a similar fate.  So I turned them into pear ginger jam, with a few modifications from this recipe.  For one, I used honey instead of sugar, in a ratio of 1 cup of honey per 7 cups of sugar called for.  I find I just can’t bear how sweet most jams are, plus honey is far sweeter than cane sugar.  I use a quarter to a third the volume of sugar called for in recipes when I substitute honey, and find it plenty sweet.  The outcome of my pear jam is a sweet, thick, sauce-like substance that looks like apple sauce and has quite a kick.  I’m not sure if I like it or not.  I will have a better idea in the morning when I try some on toast.

Throughout all this the dogs have been sleeping quietly.  Ross, Hannah and Mira were flaked out in the living room.  Kestrel had insisted on staying outside long after everyone else as that way she could collect all the bones in the yard (I’ve given them several meals in a row with big bones in them that the dogs can’t eat completely).  I looked out at one point to see her lying in the grass surrounded by at least half a dozen bones.  She looked mighty pleased with herself.  Eventually she asked to come in and, given that the others were all asleep on various living room furniture pieces, she plunked herself at my feet and ate scraps of pears from the compost bucket.

Kess is a very personable dog who is happy to hang out with me when there is no competition in the room.  Ross also likes to sleep at my feet, and when he’s near me, Kess tends to go off into another room, or even upstairs.  I feel bad about this.  She’s not really a loner as otherwise she’d behave independently whether Ross was around or not.  But she’s quite different when she has me to herself.  I sometimes wonder if I am doing her a disservice by keeping her.  Would she be happier in another home?  In a home where she doesn’t have to compete against some pretty intense dogs for my attention?  She might be.  But then I wonder if I could find such a home, that would also allow her to work while feeding her raw and keeping her away from any toxic chemicals.  She has been in a conventional rearing home when I got her, and she was a mess.  It’s possible that she can’t even tolerate kibble.

So my mind goes around and around, but the bottom line is that placing her in another home still feels really, really wrong.  It has since day one, and still does today.  So here she stays and I am doing my best to make her feel welcome.  On a positive note, since it’s turned cold Ross has been sleeping on the bottom corner of the bed.  As a result, his bed on the floor is empty.  The last two nights in a row, Kestrel has quietly come up the side of the bed, asked for a few cuddles, then curled up in Ross’s bed and slept there all night.  I’m very pleased with this, both that she has the courage to come join the rest of us, and that she’s able to sleep quietly through the night.

Speaking of which, I am really long overdue for bed.  The animals have all put themselves to bed and now it’s my turn.