Just a quick post to keep writing. Yet another busy week and I am dog tired. The dogs, however, are not tired! Not at all. In fact they are quite full of beans and all I want to do is go to bed. Fortunately they are good beasts and will settle once I have climbed under the covers.
This week I had to be away from home four out of five days. I hate that. At the same time, my life is moving forward in very positive ways. I continue to really enjoy my work, and it’s opening doors to both very pleasant social engagements, and potentially more interesting work. I’m excited by all of this, but being away from home so much, and all the driving that it requires, is pulling me in two. I’m not sure how to reconcile these diverging forces, but it’s something I’m going to have to work out over the coming months. I love my animals and keeping a cozy, happy home, and don’t like spending so much time away from it. How a I going to work this out?
I am trying not to worry too much about this. Worrying accomplishes nothing and my day to day life is pretty good right now. I am confident that interesting opportunities will arise when the time comes, and I will put my faith there.
Last week I had an interesting conversation with a friend who is pregnant. She was told by her midwife that she needed to learn to just let go of all her plans and expectations around giving birth because she “is not the boss of this.” The concept of not being the boss of ourselves, of our bodies, our decisions, our fate, is difficult for us to accept in this society that preaches so diligently that how our lives turn out is our own responsibility (this is the foundation of the capitalist myth, but that’s another discussion). The more I think of it, the more I believe this midwife’s statement is wisdom for life in general, not just for expectant mothers.
This was driven home a couple of days ago when I was doing a little job hunting. I saw an interesting prospective job ad for a position on the east coast of Canada. I would actually enjoy living there, and debated putting in an application. After some time, I decided I wasn’t up to trying to find a full-time job, which would require a lot of work and chasing down or references and so on, while immersed in everything else I’m doing right now. I decided no, I am not going to turn myself inside out to chase down a job. I am going to wait and seeing what comes to me. Two hours later I got an email inviting me for a local job interview in response to a resume that I submitted in early December. Really? I thought, another year in this area? How many times have I written about moving away? How many times have I thought about it? Searched for opportunities elsewhere?
So much for the best laid plans. The timing of that email was not a coincidence. I made a clear decision in my heart, and almost immediately the universe responded. It is not the first time something like that has happened to me.
Apparently I’m not the boss of this.
But that’s ok. When I have struggled to force things to happen, I’ve ended up miserable. In contrast, when I put faith in the universe and allow it to direct my choices, things work out well. Just look at how well thing have worked with my move last summer. I didn’t know what I was going to do, and then out of the blue this opportunity came to me and has been just wonderful. The same is true of my current job contracts. I believe deeply that my next steps will be equally good, provided that I allow them to come on their terms.
This weekend I am going to my parents house and hope to get the dogs out to train for the first time since the beginning of the month. I have also been invited to participate in a seminar on sheep care that sounds quite interesting. I have a lot of academic work to do so I’m up in the air as to whether I will be able to fit it all in. For now, however, I am going to stoke up the woodstove and climb into bed. Good night!